Well, I broke my promise to God not to cut during Advent. There's been a lot of drama going on lately and it just got to be too much. Well, as soon as I broke that promise on Sunday night, I knew I had to get to Confession ASAP. Luckily, when I was at Mass at my church on Sunday morning, they made an announcement about a Penance Service at another church just down the street. I took advantage of that and went. At my doctor's appointment yesterday, Dr. Cooper told me I could drive again, and you have no idea how much easier that's made my life. Yeah, it was only yesterday, but I pretty much feel like she gave me my freedom back yesterday when she said "Yes, Catherine. You can drive again." Back to the penance service though. I went to Fr. Robert and as soon as I walked in, before he even saw me, he was like "I was wondering when I'd end up hearing those crutches." I was like "Yep...you know me all too well, Father." I confessed that I'd cut and he said that all I can do know is stay strong for the rest of Advent. I said that I'd do my best and he said that's all he asked of me. He absolved me from my sins, and 99.9% of the time, I have this feeling like it's all going to be okay and that I've got a clean slate. Well, tonight, that didn't happen. I don't know why. It's weird. I don't really know why I feel like this. I'm pretty discouraged at the moment, like maybe things aren't going to be okay. I don't know. I'm just trying to remember that now that I've confessed it and I've been absolved, in God's eyes, it's as if it never happened. Me forgiving myself, on the other hand, tends to take much longer. It wasn't until the Steubenville Youth Conference at the end of my senior year of high school that I was able to forgive myself for cutting when I was still at St. Ursula. I'm just hoping that it's not going to take that long this time. Last time I talked to Fr. Greg, he challenged me to go to Confession regularly for a year and then see what happens. This was the beginning. I guess we'll see where it goes from here.
"As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." -Psalm 103:12
"Come now and let us reason together," says the Lord, "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow." -Isaiah 1:18
"I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; and I will not remember your sins. Put Me in remembrance; let us contend together; state your case, that you may be acquitted." -Isaiah 43:25-26
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