I helped out with my church's youth group last night. We had a Christmas party that was OFF THE HOOK!! First, we went to Adoration and did a sweet reflection on the Parable of the Sower. It was pretty awesome to have Jesus there as we read His words. After we read the parable, we were given 4 questions to think about. I figured I'd share them and my answers with you.
1) What is my life like right now? The path, the rocky ground, the thorns, or good soil?
-My life is definitely the thorns right now. I'm always having experiences (like tonight) where my faith is strengthened, but then something ALWAYS happens to make me fall away again.
2)What were the ways in which I cultivates a place for God in my life?
-Getting very involved with Life After Sunday, the Catholic group on Xavier's campus (A Catholic group on a Catholic college campus...Weird, I know), going on the Eyes of Faith retreat, where the idea of going to Steubenville was first planted in my head, going on Credo, listening to God and deciding to go to Steubenville.
3) What have been the things in life that have led me further from God this year?
-Cutting, drinking, suicidal thoughts, never taking time to pray
4) What can I do to cultivate my life to receive Jesus more in 2010?
-STOP CUTTING, pray more, get professional help for cutting, quit living my life for myself,m read more Scripture
After the reflection, I went and talked to my friend, Russ, who's about to be ordained a deacon in the spring. He knows about my cutting because he was on the retreat over the summer where I gave my testimony. He and I talked for a while about what's going on. I explained how I wasn't sure if I was going to Steubenville because I wanted to or because God wanted me to. He told me it really didn't matter because I'm going to an INCREDIBLE place and holiness just radiates from every inch of that campus. He told me not to worry, that he has complete faith in me, and that God loves me more than I'll ever know. He then said something that I know is going to stick with me for a long time. He said, "Catherine, you've suffered for a long time with some really rough stuff. But you know what? That means you're like Him." He pointed to the Blessed Sacrament exposed on the altar. I just sat there thinking, "Yeah. He's right. Jesus knows how I'm feeling even when I can't put the feelings into words." Then, Russ prayed over me and it was awesome. I can't even describe it. I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I started to cry. I could feel the love of God. Russ reminded me how loved I am. It was incredible.
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