Being a self-injurer, I can tell you that I am my own worst enemy. I basically torture myself. It's so weird. No one is a harsher critic of me than myself. I'm always beating myself up when I do something stupid, make a mistake, or cut. There's a song by Red called "Fight Inside" which pretty much describes the internal fight that goes on inside me. One part of me is always saying "Don't cut. You know it only makes things worse." The other part of me says "It's 5 minutes of relief. That's better than nothing." So basically, there's a fight going on inside me.
Enemy, familiar friend
My beginning and my end
Knowing truth
Whispering lies, and it hurts again
What I fear, what I try
The words I say and what I hide
All the pain; I want it to end
But I want it again
And it finds me
The fight inside is coursing through my veins
And it's raging
The fight inside is breaking me again
It's still the same
Pursuing pain
Isn't worth the light I've gained
We both know how this will end
But I do it again
And it finds me
The fight inside is coursing through my veins
And it's raging
The fight inside is hurting me again
And it finds me
The war within me pulls me under
And without you
The fight inside is breaking me again
It's nothing
(It's everything)
It's nothing
(It's everything)
It's nothing
(It's everything)
It's nothing
It's everything!
And it finds me
The fight inside is coursing through my veins
And it's raging
The fight inside is hurting me again
And it finds me
The war within me pulls me under
And without you
The fight inside is breaking me again
It's breaking me!
It's breaking me!
I'm falling apart!
I'm falling apart!
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