An Image I'll Never Forget

Last night, we had prayer group like we do every Tuesday. Well, what happened was something I’ve never had happen before. As usual, we did praise and worship and then my friend Jose did a teaching about friends and how the wrong group of friends can lead you down the wrong path, etc. Of course we all know that by know. Heck, we’re juniors in college. But this was different. This wasn’t about peer pressure and that kinda stuff. It was about how the wrong group of people can hurt your faith. Honestly, that’s becoming a worry in my mind right now because I’m going home to the U.S. in a little over 2 weeks and my two best friends back home don’t care about their faith. My best friend of 16 years, Gabbie, renounced the faith when she was in high school, but comes from a legit Catholic family. My best guy friend Sam is gay and lives with his boyfriend (The Catholic Church’s teaching on homosexuality is not why I feel like I can’t be me around him. Love the sinner, hate the sin). It’s hard for me because when I’m around them, I feel like I can’t totally be myself. I wish I could. I think that’s part of why going home is always so hard for me. I don’t have really any friends in Cincinnati who are hardcore Catholic. There are a few, but none of them are like my friends here at Franciscan. People with faith like Franciscan students seem to be pretty few. So, I’ve been praying a lot about how to approach the subject with both of them when I get home, so Jose’s teaching on it tonight was PERFECT. Praise the Lord.

After Jose’s teaching, there was the opportunity to get prayed over as usual. For some reason, I didn’t go up. I stayed in my chair and prayed. Then, the Lord gave me an image (which with some discernment, Fr. Brad confirmed for me after was from the Lord). It was not a vision. It was just a picture in my head that the Lord showed me. While in prayer, I saw Christ. I saw on Him a cut every single place I’d ever cut. It was gut-wrenching to see. There He was, the One who loves me more than any human person ever could, and I had put every single one of those cuts on Him when I cut myself.  Then, the Lord showed me something else. First, I saw a close up of Christ’s leg. It looked very muscular, but on His upper legs were the EXACT same scars I have, except His weren’t scars. His were bleeding. Then, I saw Christ on the Cross. I saw His hand with the nail in it, but His wrists were bleeding. Not from His crucifixion, but from my cutting (I used to cut on my wrists a long time ago).  Fr. Brad and I talked about it after and he reminded me how Christ took on every single thing I ever did to myself. This makes me not want to cut even more. Then he said something that he said in a homily a while ago. Fr. Brad said, “When you doubt His love for you, look at the Cross. He hasn’t changed His mind.”

I’ve changed A LOT this semester. I no longer have the desire to cut. The temptation is there, but I don’t feel like I have to do it anymore. Fr. Brad actually kind of threw a bombshell on me last week. He told me that he’s pretty sure I got a deliverance at some point. I would agree with that. I’m not exactly sure when, but the baptism of the Holy Spirit doesn’t happen when someone needs deliverance. Yeah, it’s kinda scary to think about, but it’s true. There’s a reason that my cutting couldn’t be fixed by medication of after 5 counselor and having the most incredible priests in my life. But, I’ll admit that I have cut once in the last 6 weeks. It was because the temptation, not the desire. I admitted it to Fr. Brad on Monday and he told me that I have been given a new life and this is where the decision had to be made: I can go back to the old ways and be beyond miserable again, or I can claim my healing and live my new life. I definitely chose the second one. I don’t want to go back to that miserable person. I talked to Fr. Greg on the phone the other night and he could tell that something had changed. He said that he could actually hear a difference in my voice. Fr. Brad said that since the deliverance (whenever it was), that I carry myself differently. He also said I speak and even my eyes look different. Well, I’m totally okay with that because it means that the Lord is on my side. I’m staying on the right path. I’m no longer Catherine, the cutter, the screw up. I’m Catherine, a precious daughter of the God Most High, who was bought at a price: the life of His dearly Beloved Son, Jesus Christ.

“You were bought with a price…” -1 Corinthians 7:23

I’m leaving tonight to spend Easter in Rome. We have tickets for the Easter Vigil at the Vatican, which I’m so beyond excited about. There’s even a chance that we will get to meet the Holy Father, which would make me SO happy, but if it’s not God’s will, that’s totally fine. The ability to spend the Triduum in Rome is just another blessing that the Lord’s just pouring out on me! Follow His Word and apply it to your life and it will change EVERYTHING. Trust me.

Have a blessed Triduum. Rest in Him (Matthew 11:28).

The Baptism in the Holy Spirit

God is so good to me! All kinds of craziness happened last night. Here in Austria, Fr. Brad has a prayer group every Tuesday where we do praise and worship, a teaching, then prayer ministry (praying over people). The teachings the last few weeks have been all about healing and the healing of my heart came from the services we had about that. Last night, we talked more about physical healing and I received healing in my foot. I fell down some stairs a few weeks ago and it kinda messed up my left ankle. I had surgery on my left ankle about a year and a half ago. Ever since I fell down the steps, there's been this kind of ache in my ankle, so I asked Fr. Brad if he could pray over it. He did, and it doesn't hurt anymore!! Praise be to God!!

That's not the only thing that happened last night. I received something I've been wanting for a long time. Last night, I was baptized in the Holy Spirit. The extremely simple way to explain what Baptism of the Holy Spirit is a deepening of the Spirit within someone. Usually when someone is Baptized in the Spirit, they receive a gift of the Spirit. Well, last night, I got one. I received the gift of tongues and I was INCREDIBLE! It started when Fr. Brad was praying over me and he asked me if I wanted the Baptism in the Holy Spirit. I said yes and he said, "Well, prepare yourself because God's gonna give it to you!" Then he asked if I wanted the gift of tongues, I again said yes and he began explaining to me how it was going to happen. He started speaking in tongues (his dialect is ancient Chinese, which is SWEET!!) and told me to repeat what he says, each time getting a little faster. As I repeated what Fr. Brad said, I had my hands open and then I literally felt the anointing of the Spirit. It was physically heavy and Fr. Brad started laughing because he was so happy and then he told me that his knees went weak. He asked me if I could feel it and I smiled and said "For sure." I was talking in syllables and then all of the sudden, it wasn't me repeating Fr. Brad anymore. It was syllables that I wasn't hearing, they were coming from my mouth, but they weren't me.

I got it. The Lord gave me the gift of tongues last night and it was crazy incredible! God is so good to me and I don't deserve a single thing He's given me. He's blessed me so much because I've gotten into His Word. I find the principles and LIVE THEM. Living them is the most important part. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight. -Proverbs 3:5. The Lord has made my path straight because I'm relying totally on Him. I haven't cut in over a month and yesterday when I was telling Fr. Brad about our mission trip to Romania, he asked me how I looked at cutting now. I told him that I think it's a thing of the past. Of course it will always be there, but now it's not a constant thought in my head. It's just a little something there from time to time.

Praise God for all of His goodness!!!