Damaged People

"Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive." -Josephine Hart

This quote is so true in my own life. I'm realizing that because of what I've been through, I know I can get through anything. Of course there are days I want to quit, but God gives me the strength to get through it. I'm damaged and I'm broken, but you know what? I'm starting to accept that. There's a reason God allowed the last 4 years of my life to be the way they were. I'm not blaming Him at all. The choice to cut was mine and 99.9% of the time, I allowed the Enemy to win. But, there is a reason that this is my cross to bear. And as Christ said in the Gospel of Matthew, "If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."

170 days cut-free.

"You Are A Person"

“If you struggle with self-injury, you are not a ‘cutter’. You are a person. You are not only your pain. You are not only wounds and scars. You are also better things. You are possibility and promise, hope and healing, daydreams, favorite books and favorite songs. You are the people that you love and people who love you. You are hope and change and things worth fighting for. This is all your story and your story isn’t over.” -TWLOHA


I'm afraid I'll always see myself as a cutter. 157 days cut-free. It should be a part of my past now. But it's not. Now that the reality of the fact that I'm done with college is sinking in, so is the fear. Am I really going to Romania to help or am I going to run away? I'm back home and last night was bad. I looked at my scars and thought about adding more. I wanted to cut so bad, but for some reason, I didn't. 


I couldn't help but wonder why people even bother with me. I'm going to see Fr. Greg on Tuesday and all I can think about is how much he's put up with from me. I wonder why he's put up with me and my friends are my friends. I wish I could see what other people see in me. People are always telling me I'm great, strong, happy, etc. Well, I don't see myself as any of those...

Graduation Festivties

On Saturday , May 12, 2012, I graduated from Franciscan University of Steubenville with a Bachelor's degree in Theology. On that same day, I was 5 months cut-free.

With the one and only, Fr. Rick

Emily, me, and Erinn at the Hofbrauhaus after graduation.
They are two of the most amazing women I know.

5,000 Views

Right now, my blog has been looked at exactly 5,000 times. That's 5,000 different occasions that someone came to my blog, whether on accident or on purpose, just looking for someone who understands. That's 5,000 times that people have become a part of my story. And it blows my mind. I have a few people who read my blog on a regular basis and there are a few who have said that it's helped them, especially when they feel so alone. I'm the same way. It's nice to know that in your darkest moment that someone else knows how you feel.

A "Wounded Healer"

Tonight after praise and worship, I was prayed over by Sr. Eliana and my friends Nolan and Sam. I asked for prayers for healing from the wounds on my heart from all the years of cutting as well as freedom from the lies that are constantly running through my head. They began to pray over me and it was beautiful. I could feel the anointing of the Holy Spirit falling on us. Nolan prayed and then he received a word from the Lord. God first said that I will be His instrument and I will do more amazing things than I ever could imagine. Then the Lord said that I will be a "wounded healer," which is pretty much exactly what I needed to hear. After a few more minutes, Sr. Eliana confirmed this by saying that my wounds will never go away, just as Christ's never will. But I  must unite my wounds with Christ's and heal the broken. I have to be patient with myself and accept my wounds. That reminded me of what I came to realize last August when praying with my friend Manuel. I realized that broken people help heal broken people. So, I am going to ask the Lord to grant me the gift of healing because I know He is calling me to heal Romania.