It's 1:30am and I just got off the phone with the future saint, Fr. Greg. I've been having a rough time since my shoulder surgery and this is the first time we've talked in about a month. I called him about 12:15am and he didn't answer, so I sent him a text saying "Just trying to keep my end of the deal." (if you don't know what that means, it comes from the night I met Fr. Greg. He made me promise that I'd call him before I was allowed to cut myself). He called me back a few minutes later and he asked me what was going on. He let me ramble for like 10 minutes. There was so much shit that I just needed to get out. He's so good. He knows when to just let me talk and he knows when I'm looking for a response. So, after my word vomiting, he told me that all this stuff is going on because God is strengthening me. I rolled my eyes and he somehow knew it. He goes, "I know that's not what you wanna hear, but years down the road, you'll look at this time and think that if you could get through that, you can get through anything." So, I agreed with that, as much as I didn't want to. Haha.
Then he asked me if I would do something for him. He told me that self-injury has become an epidemic on college campuses and he asked me if I would write a brochure that he could give to the students who come to him. He was like, "You've fought this heroic battle for the last 5 years and for the last 16 months, you've won" (He kept saying that I'm fighting heroically. I know he sees it that way, but I definitely don't). He told me that he thought it'd bring some healing to the emotional wounds left from struggling with the addiction to cutting for 4 years. So, I agreed. At this point, I don't even know where to start, but with the guidance of the Lord, I know it'll be what He wants. This quote kinda goes along with this new project: "Why didn't God take away the scars? Because it was the most powerful story. Jesus didn't cover up His scars. They were healed wounds. Our scars are a witness to the world. They are a part of our story. Healed wounds are symbols that God has restored us." -Louie Giglio
At the end of our conversation, I thanked him for putting up with me and he said, "Always remember, I love you." And that's when the tears started flowing. I told him that he had no idea how bad I needed to hear that right at that moment. And as soon as he said it, an intense peace came over me. The anxiety and all the feelings that were raging inside of me just calmed down.
It amazes me how when I feel like I'm one tiny thing away from crashing and burning, God shows up and brings me exactly what I need. And tonight, that was to hear someone say, "I love you."
Peace and blessings to you tonight.
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me." -Psalm 23:4
