The Tiniest Spark of Hope

It amazes me what the tiniest spark of hope inside a person can do. I had a spiritual direction meeting with Fr. Mike Scanlan yesterday and that's one thing I told him. I told him that for 2 years, I wanted to give up so many times, but something inside me wouldn't let me. It was the tiniest spark of hope and that yearning inside my soul to better my relationship with Christ. Honestly, I thought I was a hopeless case. It wasn't until Fr. Greg told me one night that giving up hope is a greater sin than cutting did I realize that there was something inside me that wanted to keep going. That thing was a tiny spark of hope, given to me by God. George Weinberg once said “Hope never abandons you; you abandon it.” That's so true. God didn't abandon me. I abandoned Him.

Now that I see what my life is like without cutting, I'm realizing what I'd missed if I had given up. I wouldn't be at the most incredible school in the world. I wouldn't be blessed with the world's most amazing friends. I wouldn't have gotten to see Fr. Greg twice this summer. I wouldn't have been able to take 17 friends home to see Matt Maher and Tenth Avenue North. I wouldn't be living in the most amazing dorm hall ever. I wouldn't get to go to study abroad in Austria next semester. I wouldn't get to see my sister graduate high school in May. I wouldn't get to see my brother graduate medical school and become a doctor in a year and a half. I would miss EVERYTHING God has planned for me! I would've missed SO MUCH!!

I'm realizing how beautiful life is. Yeah, it can REALLY suck sometimes. But looking at the bigger picture really does change everything. I realize that everything that has happened to me has happened for some reason. Some things, I have no freakin' clue at this point why they happened, but in God's time, He'll reveal it.

"When you say a situation or a person is hopeless, you are slamming the door in the face of God." -Charles L. Allen

"Man can live about forty days without food, about three days without water, about eight minutes without air, but only for one second without hope." -Hal Lindsey

"And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us." -Romans 5:5

"Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark." -George Iles

"Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn't permanent." -Jean Kerr