Thinking About Stuff

I've been thinking about a lot of stuff lately. I talked to my friend Manuel for 2 hours last night and we talked about how I need to claim the grace that God has given me through the sacraments as well as daily life. Here's a big problem, since my grandma died 3 weeks ago, the Lord and I haven't been on exactly good terms. Both Fr. Rick and Fr. Brad have tried to help me, but I'm still kinda shut off from them. I don't want to ask them for help, you know? Fr. Rick came up to me in the student center on Monday and asked if I wanted to talk with him and wanted him to pray over me. I told him I was fine (which I sort of was) and that I'd let him know if I got to the point where I really needed him. I know he's sick of always hearing the same crap over and over out of my mouth. He's a human being and there's no way by now he couldn't be sick of it. But, whatever. I haven't been to daily Mass except with my household, which is a huge change from my usual daily life. I want to have a good relationship with the Lord, but me in my stubbornness, it can be hard.

I'm going to DC with my friends Erinn and Kevin tomorrow through Tuesday for fall break. I'm meeting up with Fr. Greg on Saturday and I'm really looking forward to it. I need some time with one of my favorite people ever. I've been really blessed to have him in my life. After we met for the first time, we didn't know if I'd ever get to see him again. Then, I transferred here and I've been able to see him 3 times since then. The opportunities have just kind of fallen into place for me to go to DC. Last year, it was to go on a retreat and then he came out here. Then, in June, Nick and I took a road trip to hang with our friends Josh and Jackie, who we hadn't seen since the December before, and I got to see him. Every time I meet up with Fr. Greg, I experience serious spiritual warfare after. My heart literally hurts. I get discouraged, etc. I've been praying for the last month that the Lord might fight for me harder than he ever has before. I know I'm a strong person, but the stuff that happens every time we meet up is some of the most intense warfare I experience.

I'm starting to get my shit back together. I haven't cut in 2 1/2 weeks, which is really good since Joe hasn't been here. Oh, yeah. That's something that'll be interesting. The scars on my left arm had faded, so when Fr. Greg saw me in June he was like, "Dude...I don't see any scars." First of all, I hadn't cut on my arms all summer, it was all on my legs. But, now, he gets to see the new ones on my arm. He always looks at my arms when he sees me. He doesn't know that I know he does, but I do. Of course he sees my arms when he prays over me because he anoints them while asking the Lord for healing. I'm looking forward to some hardcore prayer time with Fr. Greg and I'm hoping that maybe, just maybe, the Lord will do something totally radical. Whatever He wants.

I'm really looking forward to spending time with Erinn, who's one of my closest friends. I'm so blessed to have her in my life. And her fiance, Kevin, is awesome too, so it's going to be a really good time. A much needed good time :)