"Give Her The Courage To Fight The Good Fight"

The best thing EVER just happened to me. Well, let me start with the background. The last 2 days have been really hard. I really wanted to cut last night, didn't, but then I've been fighting the impulse most of the day today, so tonight, at about 8:00pm, I cut. I went to the chapel about 9:00 and begged God for forgiveness. I prayed for a few minutes and then left the chapel. The impulse came back after I left the chapel, so I was going to go drive to clear my head. I went to my room and got my wallet and as I walked past Fr. Rick's apartment (which is in the dorm next to mine), something made me stop and think. I then turned around and went back to my room and grabbed the blades I have. I walked back to Fr. Rick's apartment, stood outside for a minute and prayed for the courage to knock on the door and hand over all my blades. I knocked, he answered the door, handed him the blades, and asked him to get rid of them for me. I then walked to my car and as soon as I got in my car, I had a complete and utter breakdown. I freakin' bawled my eyes out. I decided not to drive anywhere because I was too upset. I sat there thinking "Holy crap...They're gone...What the heck am I going to do??" I then started to regret giving them to him. As funny and as ridiculous as it sounds, I considered going back to his door and asking for them back, although I know he wouldn't have given them back. I sat in my car and just cried. I texted a few friends and called Fr. Greg. He didn't answer, so I texted with my friend Rose. Even though I was texting someone, I felt so alone, almost like there was no one on Earth. It's a feeling I've never had before. But then I saw Fr. Rick get into his car and leave. He was gone maybe 10 minutes when he came back. I didn't notice him come back, but he walked up to my car, knocked on the window, and got in. I didn't say anything and he looked into my eyes, gave me the most compassionate look and said, "First of all, you have to calm down. You're going to pass out unless you start taking deep breaths and get yourself calmed down." I gave him a little smile. He then said, "So...why are you sitting in your car?" I explained to him that I was going to go for a drive, but then I was way too upset to drive. He said that was a good decision. Then, he asked if he could pray over me. I agreed, and right then and there, while sitting in my car, Fr. Rick placed his hand on my head and started praying. It was a very intense prayer. He demanded that all spirits causing me to believe the lies and to engage in self-injury be gone, in Jesus' name. He called on the powerful intercession of St. Michael the Archangel and the Blessed Mother. He also said a lot of things pretty similar to what Fr. Greg said when he prayed over me. At the end, he prayed "Give her the courage to fight the good fight." The prayer ended up being like 15 minutes long and we talked for a few minutes after he ended the prayer. I told him how I was ready to give up the fight and how this has been going on a long time. He reminded me that this is a one day at a time thing, which is funny because Fr. Greg's always telling me that. He also told me that he thinks it's time I tell my parents. I was really close to calling my mom tonight and spilling my guts, but I didn't. Sometimes it'd be really nice if my parents knew everything about all this. Fr. Rick told me to pray for the courage to tell my mom. So that's what I'm gonna do: pray for that courage. After that, we got out of my car and he came over and hugged me...in the pouring rain. Again, it was a much longer hug than I expected, kinda like when Fr. Greg hugged me when we were in D.C. We then walked up the steps next to the building and he told me to stay strong for the night. What Fr. Rick doesn't know is that he probably saved my life tonight. I had some pretty strong thoughts of just ending it all (although I really don't think I would have gone through with it). It amazes me how God sends exactly what I need, exactly when I need it. So tonight was a pretty awesome "Only at Franciscan..." moment. I'm praising and thanking God for answering my prayer tonight in the chapel and intervening in the form of Fr. Rick.