The Desire for God

Paragraph 27 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church states "The desire for God is written in the human heart, because man is created by God and for God; and God never ceases to draw man to himself. Only in God will he find the truth and happiness he never stops searching for." AMEN TO THAT!!!

I was texting my friend Dan tonight. He told me he's been feeling empty lately. I know exactly how he feels. I used to feel so empty. When I would pray the Rosary with the Catholic group at Xavier, I never felt anything. I was like a robot spitting out words, words I didn't really even believe in at that point in my life. I was so lost. I tried so hard to have faith, but I was at a point in my life where I wasn't ready for God to work in my life. I still wanted to be in control. It wasn't until I started asking God to help me in major decisions and LISTENING to His response that my heart changed. It was not an overnight change. It was a long, sometimes frustrating, and sometimes painful process, but I asked God to show His love to me and eventually, He did. It took an 8-page angry letter to Him, talking to Fr. Greg for over a year on a regular basis about God, transferring to Franciscan, removing certain people from my life, etc. It was a long process to be "filled" again, but God filled me. I know there will by spiritually dry points again in my life, but right now, I'm overflowing with God's love and just want to share it with people! I think that's why I'm so intent on getting Dan to fix his relationship with God. I know how happy I am with my relationship with God and I want more than anything for others to see how God can change lives. Once someone genuinely experiences the love of God, they are never the same. I know when I was 15 and God finally became real to me, I was never the same. I never went back to where I was before then. Yeah, I had a dry period of like 3 years, but never did I give up on my faith. I always kept going, and now that I'm filled, I'm happier than ever. I don't know if you noticed it, but I changed the little description of my blog. It used to say "A college student's struggle with faith and self-injury." Now, it says "A hardcore Catholic college student's struggle with self-injury" because it's not a struggle with faith anymore.

There's a song called "God-Shaped Hole" and the chorus is so true. It says "There's a God-shaped hole in all of us and the restless soul is searching. There's a God-shaped hole in all of us. It's a void only He can fill." Blaise Pascal once said “There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every person, and it can never be filled by any created thing. It can only be filled by God, made known through Jesus Christ.” I tried to fill that emptiness with so many other things: cutting, drugs, and drinking. That void wasn't filled by anything except God. I know nothing can ever fill that void but Him.