Things have been kinda weird lately. Well, I cut last week and again last night. I've been beating myself up about it pretty bad. I went to Confession to Fr. Dominic on Tuesday and he explained to me that when it comes to addictions, it's not all about just the action. Most of it's about how we react. When I cut, I beat myself up about it so much. You wouldn't even believe some of the stuff that goes through my head. So, I'm working on thinking more of myself.
I met with Fr. Mike for spiritual direction this morning. I cannot even tell you how much that man has changed my life. Fr. Michael Scanlan is a pretty famous priest and I don't know how he ended up being my spiritual director, but I'm so glad he is. As I sat up in the friary today waiting for him, I was looking out into the courtyard. In the courtyard of the Holy Spirit Friary, there is a statue of St. Francis at the foot of the cross. Jesus is reaching down and hugging him. It's life size, so it's really cool. So I really started thinking and I said to Jesus, "I'm sorry for cutting last night. I love you." Right at that moment, Fr. Mike walked around the corner and we went into one of the offices in the friary. He looked into my eyes and said, "I know why you're here. You're sick of struggling, aren't you?" My jaw must have dropped because he let out a little laugh and said, "You don't have to worry, Catherine." So we talked. I explained to him how I've been to four different counselors in the last 2 years and how I'm so sick of it. He said he didn't blame me, gave me some advice, and then he prayed over me. He said an absolutely incredible prayer and as he finished, he said "Give me a hug!" So I hugged him and he said, "Catherine, You're so beautiful. When I see you in Mass, your eyes are so lit up. You've got the Holy Spirit in you. You're so on fire for Him and He's got big plans for you. You've dealt with some junk. You're good. Don't let the junk get you down!"
Fr. Mike makes me feel so loved. He's the cutest little old man and he knows how to make you feel like you're the only person in the world. You look into his eyes and he looks into your soul. He is going to be a saint. No doubt about it.
No comments:
Post a Comment