When I stopped cutting for 107 days about a year ago, I was all about living my life one day at a time. After a while, I started thinking too much about the future and it gets overwhelming. When I start thinking about how I'm going to get through the rest of my life without cutting, it gets EXTREMELY overwhelming. Last night, I texted Fr. Greg, asking him what I'm going to do once I hit the 30 days. It's currently day 24, so I can't help but wonder what my initiative is going to be next week. He responded with "Why do you constantly look ahead? It really doesn't help...It actually hurts you...It makes things more overwhelming." I told him I can't help it and He said, "There is a lot of wisdom in 'one day at a time'...conversely, it is foolish to look past today...and a recipe for failure." I then explained to him why I've been thinking about the future so much lately. It's because people are constantly shoving my future in my face. It's crazy and I hate it. Then he responded "With the cutting, you CANNOT look at the future...one day at a time."
So there was a lot of tough love from Fr. Greg last night...He's a really great priest and he's been an extremely positive influence in my life. I'm still alive because of him. Any time I text him, he knows what I need to hear. Sometimes it ticks me off, but that's because I know he's right and I'm wrong. I know he does it because he wants to help me stop cutting for good. If I hadn't met Fr. Greg a year and a half ago, I wouldn't have lived to get to Franciscan. He's been such a blessing in my life and I thank God for him every day.
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