I'd never heard of "Anne, a lay apostle" until I got to Franciscan. Apparently, she's a woman who lives in Ireland who has conversations in her soul with the Jesus, the Blessed Mother, and certain saints about people who are suffering. Today, my friend sent me a link to the books that they put together consisting of these conversations. Well, even though I'm not considering suicide, something told me to look at that one (mostly because I think my problem is more serious than just depression), so I read it. The conversation with the Blessed Mother, which took place on December 1, 2006, was especially beautiful and really moved in my heart. Here's what the Virgin Mary wants people who are considering suicide to know:
My dear little child, how heavy is your heart. I see that you are suffering and feeling alone. Dear beloved one, you are not alone now and you will never be alone. Even as you read these words, heaven surrounds you. The angels pray constantly for your recovery, for a return to joy for you. You must believe that I tell you the truth today. I am Mary, your mother, and I can only seek what is good for you. I will seek what is good for you right now, before the Throne of God, and ask the Father to send you heavenly gifts of courage and calm. You will move through this day that is already passing into the past and tomorrow will be better. Each day will move you closer to recovery. Do not think for a moment that God will leave you with pain that is unmanageable. God will not do this. Ask for help and you will receive it. I am here, with you now, and I will make sure that you receive all that you need to move past this period of anguish. Heaven does not will this for you. Heaven wills hope for you. Heavenly grace filled with hope flow into your soul now. Rest in God’s grace and I will secure all that is necessary for you. I am your mother. I love you completely. I will help you. May I ask you to help me with something? I ask that you turn away from anything that is causing you this pain. Walk away from habits that bring darkness into your little soul. I will give you the light to understand what is creating such pain. You will not be left confused. Your cross will be lightened. You have my assurance of this. Be at peace today because truly, heaven hears your prayer and moves to answer your prayer. You will see heaven helping you in many ways, my beloved child. You are not alone.
It really moved me to know that Mama Mary (which is what I refer to the Blessed Mother as since I consecrated myself to her. I feel like she truly is my mother) really does care and doesn't want me to be in pain. The book, called "Heaven Speaks To Those Considering Suicide" really spoke to my heart. In the conversation Anne had with Jesus, there is even the mention of self-harm. It just really, really moved me to know that Mama Mary and Jesus really don't want me to be going through this (as corny as that may sound).
Here's the conversation with Jesus, which took place on November 29, 2006
I have many things to say to those who are considering this act of self-harm. I love you. I see your pain. I understand that you long for relief from your anguish. Please, bring your anguish to Me. I can help you. You are so valuable to the Kingdom and I need you to help bring Me to others. “How?” you say, in your great interior grief. “How could I possibly be helpful to Jesus and to others?” I will tell you. Your pain is the pain of
many in the world today. Many souls feel your grief, your hopelessness. Many carry heavy crosses of illness and addiction, loneliness and hopelessness, rejection and anxiety. Many of My children look into their future and see only more grief and pain and this takes their courage from them. Dearest friend, you must not do this. Do not look into tomorrow and expect today’s pain to be repeated. You are not certain of such an occurrence. You cannot be certain because I, God, could change your life during this day, today. You must remain in this day, in the present, because I have given you adequate grace to deal with your cross. It is only when you look into the future and think that your Jesus will send you no relief that you find life unmanageable. Understand this. Your life is only unmanageable if you put Me out of it. If you let Me into your heart, into your life, I will make it not only manageable but joyful. You are skeptical. You cannot believe in a future with joy because the present holds such pain. I understand this, just as I understand everything about you. You may not know Me well so I will tell you something about Myself that may help you to decide that trusting Me is a good decision. I have never been known to break a promise. Never. Today, I have a promise for you. If you ask Me to help you, I will help you. Ask Me, My beloved one. You are important to this Kingdom and I have a plan for you. I need you. I need you to serve in a way that you do not and cannot understand today, in your great hopelessness. I will reveal the plan but you will have to be courageous and allow Me to move you from this place of despair to a place of hope in your heart. I will do so. I will move you along, away from your sadness. You must trust Me just a little bit and give me just a little bit of time. Even now, as you read these words, hope is stirring within you. This hope is from Me and it is the smallest indication of what I will bring to you. I am giving you courage. I am giving you hope. Rest with Me. Say this, “I will rest Myself against Jesus and wait for Him to send relief.” I will send relief. Do not be afraid. I am with you now and I will never leave you.
I was absolutely floored to know this. It gives me a renewed sense of hope. Jesus and Mary really do care (although I never really doubted before that they cared). It just really hit my heart.
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