So after all the craziness of last night, something amazing happened. After my previous post, I lay down on my bed, turned my iPod on (to Skillet's song "The Last Night"), and started praying. I begged God to make the impulses go away. Then I remembered something my friend Mel said earlier, right before we prayed our Consecration for the day. She was talking about guardian angels and if we'd ever asked ours what his/her name is. To be totally honest, I haven't thought about mine in a long time. Then I thought, (excuse the profanity) "Shit...my guardian angel probably does a whole lot for me. He's probably kept me from not cutting too deep over the last year and a half. He's probably a big reason I haven't accidentally killed myself." Then I kinda prayed to my guardian angel, "If you're here, I really want to know your name." The very first name that popped into my head was Eli. I don't know why. I don't know anyone named Eli and I haven't heard that name in forever. Then I thought, "Okay, Eli, if that's your name, I really need you to help me. Please, make the impulses go away." Then, almost instantaneously, I fell asleep. I started to wake up after my roommate came back. After I woke up, the impulse was gone. I kinda wonder what went on while I was asleep. Maybe my guardian angel fought off the demons that were telling me to cut. I really don't know. Thank God I have a guardian angel because I'm pretty sure he kept me from cutting last night. When I woke up at around 2:30am, I prayed to my guardian angel, "If your name isn't Eli, let me know what it really is while I'm asleep." I didn't get another name while I was asleep.
But I've been thinking a lot about him today. I thanked him for never letting me cut too deep. I asked him to keep me safe today, because I know tonight's going to be hard because my roommate won't be here for a while tonight.
"The magnitude of life is overwhelming. Angels are here to help us take it peace by peace." -Levende Waters
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