The weirdest thing ever happened to me today. I went to Confession tonight because I cut myself last night. I confessed to Fr. Rick that I'd been struggling with cutting and that I'm extremely hesitant to get help. He explained to me that the counseling center here is pretty good and really encouraged me to call them. Well, I guess I'll be calling the counseling center tomorrow. Here's where it gets weird...After I walked out of the chapel, I instantly felt like crap. I felt like I hadn't even gone to Confession. It was so bad. I almost started to cry. It was the craziest feeling ever. I wanted to cut so bad as soon as I left the chapel. So of course, my having no self-control led to me cutting tonight. It's getting really frustrating. Satan's got a hold of my thinking. He makes me think I'm worthless and not worthy of God's love, which is completely untrue. Fr. Greg told me last week that I've gotta quit believing the lies. I know I do, but really, I can't help it. I'm constantly going back to the blade.
Right now, the song "Savior, Please" by Josh Wilson is playing on my iTunes. It's basically going to be my prayer for tonight. Here are the lyrics.
Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last
I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me
Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have
Hallelujah
Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me
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