Three posts in one day...Yeah, it's just been one of those crazy days. I just cut and I'm feeling better, yet worse. I'm crying my eyes out right now because I've been talking to my amazing friend John. I admitted to him that I just cut and he gave me some massive tough love. Here's what he said, "Right now you need to choose. I'm making you choose...me or the blade...your friends or the blade...life or the blade...the decision is yours. I'll always be here for you, but I'm not going to hurt you." At that point, I started crying because I know he's right. I can't keep doing this: turning to the blade every time something goes wrong. Accidents happen, he reminded me. I don't want to accidentally slip and cut too deep. I don't want to die. I've got too much to live for...I could NEVER to that to my family, especially my little sister, or my friends, and I have so much to look forward to at Franciscan (that is if I get in). I'm done. No more. John was right. I've made my choice. I responded to John's tough love with this: "You, John. I want you, my friends, family, and LIFE. Fuck the blade. It's only ever hurt me. It's never done anything for me except make my life fucking miserable." So that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna do everything I can to stop cutting.
A priest once told me that if you ask God to do anything in His name it will happen, so tonight, I'm praying that in God's name, I get the strength and perseverance I need to stop cutting for good.
Whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. -John 14:13
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