The only way to describe what's going on right now is to say that my heart hurts. There is so many things that my heart is just breaking over right now.
I leave Romania in a mere 2 weeks. I will only be in the States for like 2 months, but I don't want to go home. I feel like I'm doing something good with my life here. At home...not so much. I'm going to be doing fundraising for the new orphanage, but still. It's gonna be hard not being with the kids.
I just finished this AWESOME book called "Redeeming Love" that was recommended to me by someone in Austria. It took me 4 days to read the whole book. It's a novel based on the story of the prophet Hosea, and seriously. Every single person should read it. But, in reading it, it put an even worse longing in my heart for the spousal love that I finding myself longing for. It's ridiculous. I've never felt such a desire for that love before, but it's there. Maybe it's God reminding me how much I need him. I don't know. It's just got me down. Reminds me of some Tenth Ave. lyrics: "Why are you looking for love? Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?" '
Still struggling with the urge to cut, but hanging strong. 13 days from now, I will be one year clean.
No comments:
Post a Comment