Not really feeling like explaining in detail what's going on, but everything that could be going wrong seems to be doing just that. I miss my ex like crazy (which that relationship was SO unhealthy it’s not even funny), my depression’s coming back hardcore, the urge to self-injure has returned too. It’s bad. And after a 3-hour talk and cry session with one of the Franciscan priests at FUS’ campus in Austria, he told me that if things get worse than they are, I need to end my mission work early and go home because I have absolutely no resources here.
I don’t want to go home early. At least here in Romania I feel like I’m doing something positive with my life. If I go home...well, it's not gonna end well. Please just pray I can make it through the next couple weeks.
Tenth Ave North’s lyrics seem to be a pretty good fit for how I’m feeling: “I’m tired. I’m worn. My heart is heavy from the work it takes to keep on breathing. I’ve made mistakes. I’ve let my hope fail. My soul feels crushed by the weight of this world. And I know that you can give me rest, so I cry out with all that I have left: Let me see Redemption win, let me know the struggle ends, that you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn. I wanna know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life and all that’s dead inside can be reborn ‘cause I’m worn.”
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