Fr. Greg,
I just wanted to let you know that things are going MUCH better. I've been blessed with a lot of healing over the last few weeks as the result of healing of the heart services that Fr. Brad's been doing. The first night, the hysterical crying was out of the hurt that's built up over the last 2 1/2 years. The second night, it was out of pure anger at the Lord. I was SO mad at Him. I told Fr. Brad that I believed that God could fix me, but He wouldn't. I couldn't have been more wrong. From those nights, I finally came to the realization that in no way is it God's fault. All the cutting was my choice and He loves me enough to give me the right to choose. As a result of the healing services and the changes that have happened within my heart, the Lord has blessed me more than I ever could've imagined and the blessings keep coming. I'd lost all hope and He has restored my hope. When we were on our pilgrimage to Rome and Assisi, I told Fr. Brad that I was done and I really was. I told God I wanted nothing to do with Him anymore. For a week after we got back, I didn't pray or go to daily Mass. I was truly defeated because I gave up on God. By His grace, He showed me that things were only worse without Him and I went running back to Him. The Eucharist, Confession, prayer, and Scripture are incredible things. Everything that has happened is all from the Lord and all glory goes to Him. This past weekend in Medjugorje was so good as well. God did some really crazy things there and because of my experiences, I will never again doubt the goodness of God or the Blessed Mother. God is so good!
I know right now that this is a spiritual high, but I've learned so much since I began spiritual direction with Fr. Brad. I've learned that every single thing in the Bible is complete truth. Being able to read a passage of Scripture and find the spiritual principles has changed everything. Psalm 1:1-2 says "Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on His law he mediates day and night." Fr. Brad and I talked about those 2 verses for over 2 hours. It completely changed my whole mentality about Scripture. Things have changed because I've learned that I have to claim the victory of the Cross and put on the whole armor of God. Life's all about fighting the good fight of faith. After learning so much from Fr. Brad and as much as we've talked, we've determined that most of, if not all, the problem is spiritual warfare. I decided that I'm going to become Satan's worst nightmare. I've learned how to cover myself in Christ's Precious Blood for protection. Another thing I learned is how to stop the feelings of wanting to cut as soon as I feel them. It all starts in my head and I've been able to replace the lies that I've believed for so long with the truth. That was what I struggled with the most. The lies sounded so much like the truth, but since learning how to fight, taking Ephesians 6 extremely seriously, and not letting Satan control me anymore, I'm winning.
This semester started out really hard and I was SO discouraged, but my hope in the Lord and in myself has been restored. For so long, I believed that being able to stop cutting was impossible and that fear caused so many problems. Now, I know it's not impossible. I've got complete confidence that soon, it won't control me anymore. The change in my heart has all come from the Lord. God has saved my life once again. All glory goes to Him.
Tomorrow begins our second 10-day break. I'm going on a mission trip to Romania, so I just wanted to ask for your prayers. We're preparing ourselves for our lives to be completely changed.
I hope you're doing well and that your ministry at GW is extremely blessed. I'm always praying for you.
Sending love and prayers from Austria,
Catherine
God is good. That's all I can say.
Please pray for my mission team and I as we go to Romania
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