Hiding Things

It's one of those nights...One where I start believing the lies that I'm not good, not worthy of love, etc. Tonight especially, I've been wondering how in the world my parents aren't disappointed in me. I was with my parents most of the evening and pretended like I was perfectly fine. Well, I wasn't. I went to the psychiatrist today and he prescribed new medicine, which I'm praying can be the fix. It was kind of a rough appointment though. I was more honest than I'd been with him in a long time. It helped me and I'm glad he knows, but I needed my mom and dad tonight and I feel like they kinda weren't there. One thing they've told me over and over is that they can't read my mind, and I don't expect them to, but sometimes I wish they would pay a little more attention and ask me if something's wrong.

I can't really help the fact that I hide things from people. The person who knows the most about me is Fr. Greg. He's one of the very few people I feel like I can be completely vulnerable with. I haven't talked to him in like a month, so it's been kinda hard lately. I don't let anyone see the real me because I'm so ashamed of the addiction I've struggled with for almost 2 years. I've lost so many friends as a result of it. That's why I don't tell anyone anymore. Only 2 of my household sisters know: my big sister, Lauren, and my friend Kyrie. I worry about telling the rest my sisters. I don't know why, but I know if I told them, they'd love me anyway. One big relief is that my roommate this semester, my friend Casey, does know. That helps. Wow...I just realized that this is completely all over the place. Sorry...

There's a verse in Casting Crowns' song "Stained Glass Masquerade" and it goes like this:
But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

So sometimes I wonder...