Fr. Greg's visit to Steubenville

Wow! What a weekend!! It was so blessed. OMG. I don't know what I did to deserve to have Fr. Greg in my life, but I'm so glad he's in my life. This weekend was so good. I can't even describe it. Yesterday was so awesome. Fr. Greg did Mass, just for me, in his hotel room. IT WAS SO FREAKIN SWEET!! Then, he did a Holy Hour where he prayed over me. Whenever Fr. Greg prays over me, I can really feel God. He's prayed over me 3 times and he always does it in the same way. He puts his hands on my head and prays and then, after a few minutes, he takes my arm and puts his hands over the scars and prays for physical and emotional healing. Every time he's prayed over me, when he goes to take my arm, at first I want to pull away and hide the scars. Then, I remember that Fr. Greg doesn't care that I have scars (Last night, he told me he sees 100 things about me before he thinks of cutting when he thinks of me). So I let him have my arm and he prays with his hands on the scars. Yesterday, the most moving thing that he did was during the prayer, he knelt down and just hugged me. He knew I was kind of crying, and then when he did that I absolutely lost it. I haven't cried like that in a long time. Just like in DC, he just held me and let me cry. I've never had a man in my life let me cry like that. Fr. Greg knows that it's a good thing for me to cry because for a year and a half, I didn't cry. I held all my emotions in and then they'd get so overwhelming that I'd cut for a release. It felt so good to cry like that. I usually don't let people see me cry, but I'm not afraid to let Fr. Greg know what's going on. He's the person that I've let the farthest into my life. A lot of times, I let people in to a certain point and then keep them at an arms length away. Fr. Greg is in further than anyone else. When he hugged me, I've never felt so loved in my life. It's an indescribable feeling. I don't even know. I'll post more about our weekend later.

TWLOHA ad

Last month, To Write Love On Her Arms won a free, full-page color ad in the USA TODAY. Well, It was printed today and here it is. I actually went out and bought a copy of the newspaper just so I could have a copy. Well, I was so touched by the ad that it's now posted on the side of the shelves on my desk, facing my bed. It's going to be a daily reminder that my life is worth fighting for. I'm not alone. Hope is real. Help is real. My story is important.

Here's a reflection from the founder of TWLOHA, Jamie Tworkowski:
Last month, your support on Twitter won us a free full-color, full-page ad in USA TODAY. Today, millions of Americans are waking up to that ad. Beyond introducing the message and mission of TWLOHA, the ad is an attempt to move and encourage people. We wrote a note to America - especially Americans facing difficult circumstances. We talked about some things that people tend not to talk about, because we believe that's important, because silence fuels stigma.

We hope you'll pick up a copy of the paper today. We hope you'll join us in celebrating this moment. More than anything, we hope the ad sparks conversations that move people toward hope and help.

From all of us at TWLOHA, thank you for your support. Thanks for being part of this surprising story.

Peace to you today.
Jamie

The Truest Example of Christ

Well, today was my last day of my first summer class. I can't believe the first of my classes is done! It's kind of a relief to be done because I was really, really struggling at the beginning. It was weird not having all of my friends here and stuff. I don't have class tomorrow and my final is on Friday. Then, Friday evening, Fr. Greg is coming to visit. I'm so excited. When my friends met him in DC, they said that now they realize why I speak so highly of him. He's the most incredible man I know and seriously, I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for his constant encouragement. For instance, the other night, he texted me "God is saying to you: 'You are beautiful and you are loved'." He didn't give up on me and loved me when I needed love the most. I'm really looking forward to seeing him. He kept true to his promise made to me 55 days ago, which means a lot. I've had a lot of people break promises and it's such a relief to know that he is going to keep his promise. I have been so blessed to have him in my life. He was brought into my life at the perfect time. He helped me through some of the darkest times. I thank God every day for him. He has been the truest example of Christ I have ever seen. I've met a lot of priests (especially being here at Franciscan. There are friars EVERYWHERE) and Fr. Greg is closer to my heart than any of the friars here. Fr. Greg consistently takes time out of his busy life to help a 20-year-old college student who used to live 500 miles away (now it's only 250 because I'm in Steubenville. Haha.). What a blessing!

"O, how great is the priest! ... If he realized what he is, he would die." -St. John Vianney

Divine Intervention

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Things have been crazy with summer classes. But something insane happened last week. Last Wednesday, I was having a really rough day. I felt a really strong urge to cut, but deep down, I didn't want to cut, so I prayed to God saying that if He didn't want me to cut, He had to have someone intervene, whether it be a phone call, text message, knock on the door, whatever. Well, that night, I picked up a blade I had found when I was moving dorms. I took it, went into the bathroom, locked the door, and sat on the floor. I put the blade to my arm. As I was about to cut, a physical force was placed on my hand and I couldn't drag the blade across my arm. No matter how hard I tried, the force was so strong that I couldn't move it. I gave up and threw away the blade. I texted my friend Joey to tell him what had just happened. He and I went to the chapel to pray. As I was in there, I started to cry and I told God that I was sorry for having almost cut. I then told God that if I was going to stop cutting for good, then I needed His help. Then I really felt these words really strongly on my heart: "Then come to me and ask for help more often." Then, after Joey and I left the chapel, at like 1am, we were talking outside and he prayed out loud, "Mama Mary, was that you?" All of the sudden, we both smelled roses. I smelled them and didn't say anything. Then he said that he smelled them and I told him I did too. It was crazy. It was confirmation to both of us that it was Mama Mary who'd put her hand on mine to keep me from cutting. Then, as we were standing there, I really felt like she was trying to tell me something. I came to a realization...I consecrated myself to her. I am her slave. She wants me to start acting like it now. So now, I pray every day that she helps me get to know her and her Son better. I also told another one of my friends about what had happened. That night, she sent me a Facebook message saying "So today I got to hold my new cousin Jack for the first time. He's one month old. At one point, I was just letting him hold my finger and I was looking at his arm and just in awe of how perfect it is. Come on! He's a newborn, he has beautiful baby skin and no scars from any bike accident or anything. It made me a little jealous for a minute to realize that my skin will never be like that, and I said a quick prayer for whoever in the world might need it, for Mama to watch over them and keep them from hurting in their time of desperation. Just thought you should know cause you just texted me and I was like, shit no! and then I was like whoa! Mama wrap us in the mantle of your protection, let us always feel your loving presence. AMEN."

Before this, I never really took time to have a relationship with the Blessed Mother. Now, I absolutely love having a spiritual mother along with my real mom. Last Wednesday, God rocked my world. It's been 46 days since I last cut. Things are really turning around.

Seeing Fr. Greg

So the weekend in DC was incredible. On Thursday evening, Fr. Greg met us for dinner. It was so good to see him! That was the first time I'd seen him in a year and a half. Then on Friday, me and 6 of my friends went to George Washington University to go to Mass at the Newman Club where Fr. Greg is the chaplain. Joey, Martha, and I were staying in northern Virginia while Josh, Mel, Katherine, and Linda were staying at Josh's house in Maryland. Joey, Martha, and I left for DC on the Metro and got to GWU at about 11. We found the Newman Center and went in. Fr. Greg came downstairs, showed us around, etc. He went back upstairs to his office for a few minutes and then he called me from his office to come upstairs. As I was walking up the stairs, I was just thinking, "What the heck could he want?" I walked into his office and he asked me to sit down. Then he said "Remember when I prayed over you at St. Andrew's? Well, let's do it again." So he put his hands on my head and started praying for healing and that I would know how much I mean to so many people, including him. Then, he took my arm, placed his hands on the scars. He prayed for both emotional and physical healing. I could feel his hands shaking. I know he was praying extremely intensely. Then he took my hands and asked God that I only do good with my hands and no longer abuse my body. He then placed his hands back on my head and continued to pray. Then, when he was finished, he blessed me with healing water from Lourdes. After that, he say down and we talked for a few minutes. He told me I was a good kid and that I have to accept God's love. I explained to him how I'm trying to, but I'm too stubborn. He told me to pray for humility, which I already do. Then we both stood up and he hugged me. It was the longest hug ever. It was literally 5 minutes long. He said I was a good kid. I didn't really respond and he said "You don't believe me, do you?" I said I didn't and he said that he wished I could accept that. He said that I could understand how much both he and God love me. I told him that I was going to start crying. Fr. Greg said, in the most loving tone I've ever heard come out of a man's mouth, "That'd be okay." So then and there, I completely lost it. I started bawling in his arms. He just held me. I finally stopped crying and he said, "Catherine, I love you. I so strongly wish you understood that."

When Fr. Greg hugged me, that was the first time I've felt truly loved since I began cutting 20 months ago. It's like God had his hands wrapped around me. It was incredible. Well, Fr. Greg is coming to visit Steubenville at the end of the month since I got to 30 days. Today's day 40. If I can get to July 17, that will be the longest I've ever gone. I'm thanking God for the incredible weekend me and my friends had in DC. It was so blessed!

Plan For Our Weekend In D.C.

Hey. Here's a quick update. I am done with classes for the semester. I can't believe my first semester at Franciscan is over already! It went by so fast! It was such a blessed semester.

This weekend, 6 of my friends and I are going to Washington, D.C. We're leaving in about an hour, driving 5 hours to the city, then messing around DC today. Tomorrow, we're going to visit George Washington University. I'm so freakin' excited because we're going to Mass and Fr. Greg is presiding, so I get to see him and hang out with him tomorrow. I'm really excited for my friends to get to meet the priest who changed my life and probably actually saved my life multiple times. On Saturday, we are going on a retreat on spiritual warfare. Spiritual warfare is rampant in my life as well as my friends because we are striving for holiness so strongly. Wherever there is good, there is evil, trust me. Then on Sunday, we're going to Mass at the National Shrine at Catholic University then heading back to campus. I start summer classes on Monday.

I'll post my notes from the retreat as well as my feelings about the weekend when we get back. Peace.

FOP and time with Fr. Mike

OMG!!! The Festival of Praise tonight was SOOOO GOOD!!!! God really showed up and rocked my world. I felt a real stirring in my heart to go over to Fr. Mike Scanlan (who's my spiritual director) and have him pray over me. I was thinking that maybe it was just me being stupid, so I told God (which I really shouldn't have done) "If he looks in my direction three times, I'll go over and talk to him." So of course, within about 10 minutes, Fr. Mike looked in my direction 3 times and so I knew I had to go over and have him pray over me. I went over to him, asked him if he would pray over me and he said, "Of course, my child." So I knelt down and he placed his hand on my head. He began praying in tongues and I really could feel the power of God. My heart started pounding and I felt an incredible sense of peace. He finished, he hugged me, and said "He really does love you." I started crying. Fr. Mike is a living saint. Every student here is convinced that he's going to be canonized a saint, which after my experiences with him, I wouldn't doubt. He's so holy and so loving. After the FOP was over, I went over to him and told him thank you for praying over me. I told him that he has no idea what it did in my heart. He smiled and said, "Yes, Catherine, I actually do." He's just so incredible and I'm so blessed to have him as a spiritual director.

I did it!

Here's a quick update before I head to bed. I've got 2 finals in the morning.

Today's day 30!! I did it! This officially the longest I've gone in almost a year. I just text Fr. Greg, joking with him saying "You know today's day 30, right? When are you going to come to Steubenville so I can whoop you in basketball?" He said, "Congratulations!! That's amazing stuff, Catherine!! By the way you have to stay clean until I come."

I mean, I figured he would want me to stay clean from cutting until he gets here, and hopefully forever, but one day at a time, so I'm not worrying about the future right now. So yeah, I did it. It feels really good to know I've lived my life for an entire month without cutting. That might sound stupid to you, but when you struggle with it as bad as I do, and when you're genuinely addicted like I was, it's a big deal. I think Fr. Greg is going to come visit Steubenville the last week of May. I think I can get through another month without it. It's all going to be with God's help. I can do this! I know I can!