I visited Xavier today and I'm not going to lie, it was weird. All kinds of feelings came rushing back. Right now, I'm thanking God I go to Franciscan. I was in such a bad place when I was there. It was not good. I was not friends with the right people there, and when I was with them today, I noticed I started acting differently...the way I was before I left...the person I hated. It took me leaving Xavier to realize what a bad place it was for me. It was A LOT harder to be there today than I thought. I was so glad to get home and away from that unhealthy environment.
Some good stuff did happen when I was there though. Around 4:30, I went to Fr. Wagner's office, hoping that he'd be there. He's a math professor at Xavier and he actually helped me through a lot my freshman year. Right before my grandma died, I asked him for help and he became kind of like a spiritual director. I cannot tell you how many times I stopped by his office on the verge of tears. The poor guy probably got sick of seeing me. But he helped more than he'll ever know. Anyway, I popped my head in and he was like "What the heck are you doing here? This is a boring place to spend your spring break, Catherine!" I was like "Hey! You know you missed me! I came to make sure you weren't missing me too much!" So I sat down and we talked for a few minutes. He asked me how things were at Franciscan were and he told me he could tell that I was a lot happier, which I genuinely am. He then asked me about the cutting. I said the issue has been resolved, which it really has (Not a single impulse since I got prayed over at the FOP). He said he was really glad, and I totally agreed. Fr. Wagner told me that he was wondering about me the other day, hoping everything was going well, and they truly are.
I also got to visit with the Catholic group on campus, Life After Sunday. Those people kept me going when I was there. I prayed the Rosary with them and then hung out with them a little while afterward. They're such beautiful people and I pray for them every day.
It was a day full of ups and downs and I'm so glad to be home, that's for sure. I also can't wait to go back to Steubenville. It's been kinda hard being home because my parents don't really understand my spirituality right now. I don't think I'll be coming back to Cincinnati after graduation. I didn't realize how bad I needed to get out of this city until I got back. I'm just realizing how blessed I am to be at Franciscan and tonight, I'm thanking God a lot for what has happened. I'm getting my faith back, slowly but surely, and if all this crap (my bad time at Xavier, having to have surgery, etc) happened just so I could get to Franciscan, I'm fine with it. Praise God!
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