The retreat was absolutely amazing, let me tell you. God showed up and did some crazy stuff in my heart. It was AWESOME!! It really was one of those "you had to be there" moments. Here's the biggest thing I got out of the retreat...I think God's calling me away from Xavier. I feel like He's calling me to Franciscan University of Stuebenville. I first felt like God was telling me to change back in April when I went on a retreat with the Catholic group I'm in here on campus. I thought a lot about it over the summer and decided that I'd give XU one more year. Well, at the retreat this weekend, I pretty much got confirmation from God that I shouldn't be here. I cried a lot because I'm going to be leaving some amazing people. I just feel like I'm not at the best school for a theology degree. Xavier's theology department has one helluva reputation and it's not a good one. I am scarred for life after having a PRIEST tell me that the Resurrection may not have physically happened. If he was right, then the whole foundation of Christianity is built on a bunch of bullshit, and I know it's not. I've experienced God in ways that if Jesus wasn't God, well, then these things wouldn't have happened. The Pope approves of Franciscan and he doesn't approve of Xavier's. My faith is the most important thing to me and that's why I'm working so hard to try to come out of this spiritual dark night I've been going through. There is absolutely zero Catholic identity here at Xavier and I want to be at a place that has one, and a strong one. No where else can compare to Franciscan.
I'm going home over fall break and I plan on bringing it up with my parents then. The biggest indicator that something was wrong with the first high school I went to was because I was cutting and I think this is the exact same thing. I was trying to convince myself I loved it here when I don't.
God changed me this past weekend. Credo: I Believe!!
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