Well, the last 8 days have been pure hell, to put it nicely. It's a very long story with lots of details, so just trust me when I say it was bad. I was already beginning to spiral downward when I got the news of Tyler's death, so when I got the news, things only got worse. Everyday has been so ridiculously hard. I've cried more than I ever thought I could. I've wanted to cut so bad, but every night, I've ended up crying myself to sleep.
I had a really good talk with Fr. Greg last night. He called at about 11pm to check up on me. I texted him on Saturday night that Tyler had died, but he hadn't heard from me since then. He got me to talk about Tyler, the stuff going on with my family, my anger at God, my mission work, etc. He knows what a horrible week I've had, so then he asked me if I'd cut. I said no and he started laughing. I asked him why he was laughing and he said that he was astounded that I'd gone through a week of pure hell and hadn't cut. I don't think it's that big of a deal, but he does. He told me that as a recovering alcoholic, he gets it (he will be 18 years sober tomorrow). He said that he was literally speechless because with everything life's thrown at me in the last 208 days, I haven't cut. He once again told me how I am the person he respects the most. He said that my strength is inspiring.
He always tells me that I'm good and I am loved when we talk. I told him that I'm at a place right now where I think that's bullshit. He told me that if he didn't love me and think my life was worth it, he wouldn't still be around. For 3 1/2 years, he's dealt with me. He's seen me at my best and he's seen me at my absolute worst. He's been there for me when no one else was. He really is the truest example of Christ in my life.
Once again, Fr. Greg saves the day. He's such an amazing person and I'm so blessed to be able to call him one of my best friends.
Today's second reading at Mass seems pretty appropriate: for what's going on with me
“A thorn in the flesh was given to me, an angel of Satan, to beat me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I begged the Lord about this, that it might leave me, but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me. Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong.” -2 Corinthians 12:7-10
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