The last 4 days have been bad. I haven't cut, but to deal with my problems (including pain from an injury in Haiti), I've fallen into other sins like drinking too much, smoking, and other things. I'm going to Confession tonight to start over. I'm officially getting my life together starting NOW.
I think about what I've done the last 4 days and I want to throw up. It's not me and I don't know who the hell it is. I sit here and can't believe I've done what I've done. It makes me feel like such a horrible person. I'm such a freakin' hypocrite. It's times like this that I truly struggle to believe that God can REALLY love me like this. He's watched every single thing I've done and I know it broke His heart more than ever. I've got a blade sitting next to me, ready to punish myself for all the stuff I've done.
Hopefully Confession helps. I need God to show up for me tonight. REALLY need Him.
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