Things Are Changing

Wow...Just wow. God has been SO good to me lately.

I've been praying novenas to Our Lady of Medjugorje, Our Lady of Mercy (patroness of Romania),  St. Raphael (patron saint of healing), St. Maximilian Kolbe (martyr of charity), St. Therese of Lisieux (patron saint of missionaries), St. Michael the Archangel, and St. Dymphna (patron saint of mental illness). Prayer really does change things. C.S. Lewis said, "I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time - waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God - it changes me" Prayer is changing me. I'd rather God change me than change my circumstances.


I'm home for a few weeks before I go back to school, and so far, it's been good. No major problems yet.

I've cut ONCE in the last 9 days, which is a HUGE improvement from me cutting everyday.

I got my grade for the Spanish class I took this summer and I got a C. I was absolutely convinced I'd failed. Either my professor had mercy on me because he knew some stuff was going on in my life, or somehow, by the grace of God, I actually did get that. I don't know, but seriously, so much weight has been taken off my shoulders. This means that I can graduate in the spring!

I told my parents everything. They know that I haven't really stopped cutting once and for all. They've been really supportive, especially my Dad. God revealed to me in prayer that he was going to show His love for me through my dad, and so far, He has.

I went to the doctor the other day and was put on an anti-depressant. My counselor thinks that through the right balance of counseling, spiritual direction, and medication, I can beat this once and for all. I'm on a stimulant that I take at night, because the night is when I have the hardest time. During the day, I'm fine, but at night is a totally different story. The suicide thoughts are gone. I'm realizing that I have so many reasons to hang on.

My parents are finally accepting that I'm extremely serious about being a missionary and it's not just a phase. My life was completely changed in Romania. Unless you've been on a mission trip and had your entire view of the world changed, it's impossible to understand.

My hope is being restored. God is healing my heart and I'm getting stronger everyday.

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him." -Psalm 62:5