*On Tuesday night (8/7) at 7pm EST, I will be interviewed on a national Catholic radio station. You can listen online at www.radiomaria.us. I will also post the link once it's recorded so if you can't listen to it live, you can hear it there.
My relationship with the Lord had been pretty much shit after Tyler died. I was super upset. I was beginning to question EVERYTHING. I didn't know why God chose me to go to Romania. I was afraid I was gonna fail at this whole missionary thing.
It all started last Sunday. Last Sunday, Fr. Dominic's homily was about the Gospel, which was the Miracle of the Feeding of the 5,000. Most of the time, the priest preaches about the Eucharist. This time, Fr. Dominic talked about the boy who had the 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread that Jesus multiplied. I RARELY remember homilies, but this one, I won't ever forget. He spoke about how that boy left his home that day never in a million years thinking that he would be used in one of the greatest miracles of Jesus' public ministry. He was just a regular kid. But he had what Christ needed. Fr. Dominic said to conclude the homily "You are enough" and left it at that. It was exactly what I needed to hear.
On Tuesday, I went to Confession with Fr. Shawn. I first met Fr. Shawn on a retreat in February. He was assigned to Franciscan and has been in Steubenville. I went to Confession 4 times to him this summer. He reminds me a lot of Fr. Rick. He is super compassionate and was extremely encouraging. Because my relationship with God had been so messed up, I was confessing doing the same crap. He caught onto that 2 weeks ago. When I went to Confession this past Tuesday, he was like "Tell me what's really going on with you." I asked him if he REALLY wanted to know. He said yes, so I spilled my guts. It then somehow came up that I was going to Romania in a couple weeks. He asked me if I really was ready for that. I said that I was and he asked me if I'd talk to him once before I left. I agreed.
On Thursday, I had my meeting with Fr. Shawn. He wanted to know more about me and this whole Romania thing. I told him about my past and my time at Franciscan. He asked about my mission stuff and at the end he said "In Confession, we see the worst of people. Because I didn't really know much about you, when you said you were leaving, I thought that was a bad idea. Now, I know this is the Lord's will for you and you must go. You have a beautiful heart and you are an amazing woman. You will change Romania." My heart was so at peace after he said that.
On Friday, I had my last spiritual direction with Fr. Brad. We talked, he said that I would be fine, and then as he was praying over me, he received a word from the Lord. The Lord said "I will be with you and my angels will walk with you every step of the way. You are doing my will and I am so proud. Know my love for you and be at peace in My love." To hear those words, I know I will never have a doubt about doing missionary work.
Then on Friday night, my friends Jose, Josh, Collin, Brian, and Craig came into Steubenville. So, we got even more people together and went out to the Hofbrauhaus in Pittsburgh to celebrate my finishing school and Jose being accepted to seminary. It was amazing to have some of my closest friends to celebrate with.
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| Just a few of the amazing people I celebrated with |
To top off an amazing week, as I was packing on Saturday, I was finally able to do something I didn't think I would be able to. I threw away every single one of my blades. It was crazy. I saw them when I was getting books of a shelf. I picked them up, looked at them, and just threw them away. Fr. Greg was constantly encouraging me to get rid of them. I texted him yesterday when I did. This was his response.
I am 236 days clean. A week from today, I will be 8 months cut-free.
This last week has been amazingly blessed and I'm finally back on the right track with the Lord. And I am so happy about that.
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