Life in Romania isn't 100% dandy all the time. I have had the Lord show me things that hurt my heart to the point of tears. I have heard stories of the terrors of Communism in this place. I have also had the enemy try to take me back to where I used to be. I'm not 100% better. I stopped cutting 9 1/2 months ago, but that doesn't mean I don't think about it or that the urge is gone. It also doesn't mean the lies don't run rampant in my head at night. They do. I am better than I one was, but I still have a long way to go. I long for the day when I truly believe the lies are lies and that I am worthy to be loved because the Lord made me worthy. But right now, the Lord is using me to love his children who were abandoned by the people He gave them to. So, it's not about me and my shit. It's about the kids at the orphanage and the people in the parish that I minister to.
Lord, let my heart be moved by mercy.
She said “I keep having the same dream
Close my eyes and I’m chasing a younger me
Try to wrap my arms around her
Shield her from the hell that found her
But I’m always just a little too late
I see the tears falling down her face
How come no one protected
The little girl that the world rejected”
Oh, where do you go when you can’t go back
Can’t save the past
And she cries in the middle of the night
“Take me far away now
From this broken place now
Somewhere they can’t hurt me
I wanna be moved by Mercy
Jesus, I can’t see You
I just know I need You
Help me start a new life
Let my heart be moved by Mercy”
“I used to be a future burning bright
Now I’m just another sleepless night”
All the hurt that you hide behind that door
I’m not gonna let it hurt you anymore
“For so long I thought You abandoned me
Now I’m starting to see things differently”
I’m the one who began a good work in you
And I’m the one who is gonna see it through
I’ll see you through
“Take me far away now
From this broken place now
Somewhere they can’t hurt me
I wanna be moved by Mercy
Jesus, I can’t see You
I just know I need You
Help me start a new life
Let my heart be moved by Mercy”
For so long I felt so unworthy
But in My arms all your shame is moved by mercy
So here I stand, a child undeserving
Take My hand and let your life be moved by mercy
“Take me far away now (I'll take you far away)
From this broken place now (From every broken place)
Somewhere they can’t hurt me
I wanna be moved by Mercy
Jesus, I can’t see You (I'm watching over you)
I just know I need You (I'm gonna carry you)
Help me start a new life
Let my heart be moved by Mercy”
