Stuff On My Mind

So...this post is going to be all over the place. There's just a lot of stuff on my mind. Just stay with me.


First, I feel like I need to give an explanation of why I have this blog. It's more for me than anyone else. It began as an online journal, then just kinda evolved from there. If it helps others, GREAT! But if not, then that's okay too. It's my journal, basically. 


Second, there's a certain someone I miss having in my life. I know it's better that we aren't talking because we ALWAYS end up fighting about something, but I miss him. We used to text for hours every night. I'd fall asleep while texting him. We did that every night for almost 2 months. It's hard because I miss him so much. He probably doesn't even care though.


Third, I am so beyond blessed to go to Franciscan University. I will be a senior in the fall, but before I transferred here a year and a half ago, I had no idea that people like my friends existed. I knew about God, but I realized that I didn't actually know God. Now, that’s changed. I took full advantage of their study abroad program and was in Austria from January-May 2011. My life was forever changed. I truly found God there. When I drive up the hill to campus, I probably look like an idiot. I still smile because I can’t believe I go to the most Catholic university in the world. The Franciscan friars are the holiest men of God that I've ever met. They have such a zeal for God and it is an absolutely beautiful example to the students. I was so unworthy, but God called me here and my life has been so radically altered, that I thank Him for it every single day. 


Fourth, man, do I feel like a burden to people. That's why I feel so alone. I don't really talk to many people about my struggle because I don't want to burden them. I'm still struggling with cutting right now. I feel like such a burden to Fr. Greg and Fr. Rick. It's awful. I've backed off talking to both Fr. Greg and Fr. Rick because I feel like such a horrible burden. Fr. Brad will be back in Steubenville on Monday and I'm afraid I'm going to start feeling like I'm a burden to him. That's part of the reason I miss that certain someone. I didn't feel like a burden to him. I haven't been able to meet with my counselor in over 2 weeks. Seeing him on Tuesday will help.


Fifth, I want to be done with school so bad right now. If I could, I'd drop everything I'm doing and go back to Romania as a full-time missionary. Fr. Remus, the priest we worked with in Romania, is actually looking for a full-time missionary to teach the new youth catechism to the youth in Romania. Guess who would do ANYTHING to have that job? Me! I'm just so restless. I need the peace of Christ.


Toss up a prayer for me, a prayer for perseverance, increased trust in the Lord, and peace in my heart and mind.