I kinda got into it with Fr. Brad about something earlier tonight and he made me feel guilty. I don't think he really did it on purpose. I think he was just trying to makes me see that what I was saying wasn't helping anything. So, after letting those feelings just sit there inside me and begin to torture me, I got so overwhelmed and anxious. To try to relax, I stupidly took 3 shots of tequila in a row (I am 21, so being underage isn’t the problem). I didn’t ask for help like I should have. Dealing with my problems the wrong way…story of my life. But yeah. I know I screwed up. I feel really guilty and normally this is where I would grab a blade. I’m not going to, but having to feel like this SUCKS.
I guess I deserve to feel like this.
From "You Are More" by Tenth Ave North:
"She says, 'How did I get here? I'm not who I once was. And I'm crippled by the fear that I've fallen too far to love'...She tries to believe it: that she's been given new life. But she can't shake the feeling that it's not true tonight. She knows all the answers and she's rehearsed all the lines. And she'll try to do better, but then she's too weak to try."
Seriously...story of my life. But, am I really more than all this crap?
No comments:
Post a Comment